February 27, 2003
Spain Marks
Spain's tourist board has temporarily withdrawn this advertisement bearing the slogan 'Spain marks,' after a deluge of complaints that it was sexist. The ad was pulled after protests by political and women's groups, a spokeswoman for the tourist board Turespana said. A meeting of regional government and tourist authorities will decide whether the poster should be banned altogether. (Turespana/Reuters)
Women of Starbucks
Playboy Looking for 'Women of Starbucks'" href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=802&e=1&cid=599&u=/nm/20030227/media_nm/media_Playboy_starbucks_dc">Yahoo! News - Playboy Looking for 'Women of Starbucks'
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Lattes aren't the only steamy things at Starbucks these days. Much to the chagrin of Seattle-based Starbucks Corp., Playboy Magazine has issued an alert: "Calling all coffee-making cuties!" to pose nude for an upcoming issue featuring the "Women of Starbucks."
Masturbate For Peace
A press release I recieved today:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MasturbateForPeace.com Releases Song Parody: "I Cum in Peace"
MasturbateForPeace.com announced today that it has released the peace anthem "I Cum in Peace." This professionally produced parody of "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls spreads the site's message of using masturbation to end war. The song is available for free download now at: http://www.masturbateforpeace.com
"MasturbateForPeace.com has received tremendous attention from radio shows across the world. We created this song parody to build on this momentum, spreading our message of peace to an even wider audience. Basing the parody on 'I Touch Myself' was, frankly, a no-brainer," explained the editor of MasturbateForPeace.com.
"Our site uses humor to make a serious point: that we should all give a thought to peace. These days, people seem to have forgotten that peace is even an option, and we're trying to remind them," he added.
Founded in September 2002, MasturbateForPeace.com has received over 12,000 peace petitions from readers in 86 countries. The site has received acclaim from major mass media outlets, including the UK's Independent, Spain's La Vanguardia, the Jerusalem Post, the Philadelphia Daily News, FHM.com, Counterpunch.org, AndrewSullivan.com, and Hustler Magazine, plus countless local radio shows, internet zines, blogs, and online message boards.
Pretzel Publishing, the sponsor of MasturbateForPeace.com, produces web sites that offer sex-positive education and humor. Its sites include www.ViagraStories.com, real-life accounts of what it's like to take Viagra; www.SexToysPro.com, detailed information on how to select and use sex toys; www.BibleSexStories.com, a humorous take on the Bible's sexiest tales; and www.TheSexDictionary.com, a comprehensive glossary of sex terminology.
http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/
peace@masturbateforpeace.com
No Cleavage
By Richard Johnson, Page Six
Sun Feb 23, 2:21 AM ET
MEOW! Pipsqueak punk rocker Avril Lavigne (above) says she has a better bod than pop tart Britney Spears. "The thing is I'm not going to flaunt what I have. I refuse to show off my boobs, my belly or my booty," the Grammy-nominated Lavigne bragged to the London Sun. "I don't want to walk around in clothes like Britney wears with pants that don't cover my ass"
February 26, 2003
Porn Causes Drug Use
Brigham Young University - Idaho Scroll
The use of illicit materials is not exclusively related to sex crimes. It may also lead to other criminal activities, FBI officials say.
%u201CI have been on the force for five and half years, and every time I have gone to serve a search warrant for dope, I have found porn,%u201D Gittine said.
February 25, 2003
Government Becomes Net Nanny
The Morning Sun: Wichita man sentenced in unusual obscenity case 02/18/03
For the next two years, a former parochial school teacher in Wichita will have the government watching his every move on the Internet, as part of a plea agreement in a rare federal obscenity case against him.
Jeffrey Klazura, 30, was sentenced for possessing two pictures of adult women posing nude on his home computer.
February 23, 2003
Oral Sex In School
Yahoo! News - Schoolkids to Be Asked to Consider Oral Sex
LONDON (Reuters) - British school children are to be controversially asked to consider oral sex instead of intercourse as part of a drive to cut the country's high teenage pregnancy rate
February 22, 2003
Panty Skirts
The Adventures of AccordionGuy in the 21st Century
No, it's not a see-through skirt. Rather, it's a regular skirt with an pretty realistic image of panties and legs silk-screened onto it.
It's possible that these are Photoshopped fakes, but I also once thought that Japanese tentacle porn and the purchase of used girls' underwear were urban legends.
Call me crazy, but this faux-peeping-tommery seems dirtier than actually seeing the woman nude. Maybe that's the intent. These clothes do come from the land that brought you tentacle porn.
February 21, 2003
Sex Game Show
Students fake it in Valentine's 'sextravaganza'
A fake orgasm contest, a relay race to put condoms on bananas and a question-and-answer session with a "sexpert" were just some of the highlights of the "Sextravaganza" held Thursday night.
February 19, 2003
Lesbian Legalities
Plastic: Fertile Ground For Discrimination?
"Lupita Benitez, a lesbian, wanted to conceive a child through artificial insemination. But her doctor, Christine Brody, refused to perform the procedure, saying that it was against her Christian beliefs to help a homosexual conceive a child. Benitez filed a civil rights lawsuit against Brody and her medical group, claiming that doctors are subject to California law banning discrimination against gays.
No Homosexuals In High School
Plastic: You're Here, You're Queer, And You Better Not Talk About It
"Marla Dukler, a 17-year-old lesbian at Klein High School near Houston, wanted to start a club at her school called the gay Straight Alliance to provide a forum for students to discuss discrimination and promote understanding," Senior Headline Writer n29_w95 tells us. "She and sixteen other students asked for the school's permission and managed to collect 200 student signatures on a petition in support of the club. Shortly after submitting her application to the school, the local school district inserted a new clause into its policy:
Wonder Woman Is A Slut
Comic Book Resources - CBR News - The Comic Wire
But as 2001 came to a close, an interesting tidbit of information appeared in the comic book trade magazine Wizard: Diana, the heroine we call Wonder Woman, was going to lose her virginity.
February 18, 2003
Wait, I Thought Larry Flynt Was Porn Czar
In Utah, defaced signs show rift over community porn standards
BOUNTIFUL, UTAH -- When recent budget cuts led Utah to get rid of its so-called pornography czar, an official charged with helping communities set standards against indecent material, no one was sadder than JoAnn Hamilton.
An author of self-published books about the family, a lecturer, former seminary teacher, Mormon, mother of eight, stepmother of 13 and foster mother of 16, Hamilton, 64, has campaigned for years to shield children from pornography. She says that even magazine pictures of models in swimsuits can lead boys to sexual addiction and arrested emotional development.
Shock Jock Political Discourse
Politician vs. DJ: Hilarity Ensues | Metafilter
A disc jockey in Fresno, CA (where my own radio career ended 25 years ago: self-interest disclosure) who says "I don't vote. I don't care", pulls a stunt on an embattled state legislator with a Hustler sex doll (NSFW unless you work for Hustler) and it becomes a First Amendment Issue TM when officers of the California Highway Patrol order pictures of the stunt deleted from a digital camera.
February 17, 2003
P. Diddy Too Small For Nicole
Yahoo! Top Stories - P. Diddy comes up short with Nicole
Megamillionaire hip-hop and fashion mogul P. Diddy has the red-hots for Nicole Kidman, but the ultra-eligible bachelor has one shortcoming: his height. The 5-foot-7 rapper, 33, has had a thing for the statuesque 5-foot-11 stunner ever since he saw her in Moulin Rouge. "Sean thinks Nicole is the epitome of class and sex appeal," says a friend. He sent her flowers with a provocative note saying he'd like to get to know her, and he's invited her to several events. But no luck. Now he's hounding friends of Nic, 33, to hook him up. To make a long story short, Sean John, we know what your problem is. Size matters! And you're the same height as Nicole's ex, Tom Cruise. THOSE four inches are three strikes against you.
Politician Fondles Mascot
Their food and drink orders hadn't been taken yet when the restaurant's bird mascot, an oversized costume worn by a 17-year-old girl, came up to the table.
What happened next depends on whom you ask. The girl in the bird suit has accused one man at the table of fondling her and another man of exposing her undergarment
February 12, 2003
Peewee Herman Porn Again
Yahoo! News - Prosecutors Reject Reubens' 'Vintage Porn' Defense
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - What exactly did Paul Reubens have in his massive erotica collection, and did he know he had it, are the questions now dominating the child pornography case against the former "Pee-wee Herman" star.
Last month, the actor's attorney Blair Berk asked the judge in the case to dismiss the charges because the material seized from Reubens' home was vintage porn "produced decades before (child pornography) possession was ever proscribed."
Berk also contended that pictures of children made up a tiny part of the vast collection, which contains some 100,000 images.
A source close to the actor said the photos described by prosecutors included nearly 100-year-old tintype photos of young men posed as Greek statues.
"The people (in the photos) could be 17 or 25," the source said.
The source said the actor -- who also maintains large collections of 1950s memorabilia, plastic vegetables and 3-D photography -- bought much of the erotica collection in large lots and was unaware of its exact contents.
Frenchie Fingered For Fake Filly Photos
Frenchie Davis, the 23-year-old singer canned by Fox, was a fan favorite and had been tabbed last week by Entertainment Weekly as one of the program's leading six contenders. According to a TSG source, Davis posed topless (and appeared to be masturbating) on "Daddy's Little Girls," a web site that purported to feature naked underage girls (which, of course, would be illegal). However, at the time she posed for these photos, Davis was over 18. The Washington, D.C. native has claimed that she took the topless gig to earn money so that she could re-enroll in Howard University, where she is a theater major.
February 10, 2003
Thumbs Down On College Porn
College porn stars film their own punishment
College porn stars film their own punishment
February 6, 2003
BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST Advertisement
WITH THE BOUNCING MUSIC AND THE KIDS IN THEIR BASEBALL CAPS HOWLING WHILE GUZZLING KEG-TAPPED BEER FROM PLASTIC CUPS, THIS COULD BE A HOME VIDEO OF A HOUSE PARTY ON VIRTUALLY ANY COLLEGE CAMPUS IN THE COUNTRY.
You even get the requisite host trying to balance the male-to-female ratio by calling for quiet and announcing: "There's too many dudes here, man ... some of you have to leave. I'm not trying to be a ---- or anything, but, like you three guys, I don't even know you. ..."
But a few minutes later, the video jumps from PG-13 home movie to hard-core XXX porn. The party's host is now in a bedroom with his boxers around his ankles as a nasty-looking porn star does to him what nasty-looking porn stars do for a living. All the while, two friends of the co-host are standing over him, quaffing beer and egging him on.
February 09, 2003
Naked Peace
Yahoo! News - World Photos - Reuters
More than 750 women lie nude on a hillside at Byron Bayon, on the New South Wales north coast about 200 km (124 miles) south of Brisbane, in the shape of a heart with 'no war' spelled inside on February 8, 2003. The women are urging Australian Prime Minister John Howard not to follow U.S. President George Bush into a war with Iraq.
February 08, 2003
Orson Scott Card Condemns Homosexuals
Orson Scott Card on "homosexuality." From what
seems to be a regular column, "A Changed Man," in _Sunstone_, a Mormon
journal. This article is titled "The Hypocrites of homosexuality," and is
from February, 1990.
When I was an undergraduate theatre student, I was aware, and
not happily so, how pervasive was the reach of the underculture of
homosexuality among my friends and acquaintances. After a while I stopped
being shocked to discover that someone I had known well, or whose talent
I admired, was either moving into or already a part of the
not-so-clandestine network of gay relationships. I learned that being
homosexual does not destroy a person's talent or deny those aspects of
their character that I had already come to love and admire. I did learn that
for most of them their highest allegiance was to their membership in the
community that gave them access to sex. As a not-
particularly-pure-minded heterosexual adolescent, I understood the
intensity of sexual desire; as a student of human communities, I have since
come to understand how character is shaped by -- or surrendered to --
one's allegiances.
One thing is certain: one cannot serve two masters. And when
one's life is given over to one community that demands utter allegiance, it
cannot be given to another. The LDS church is one such community. The
homosexual community seems to be another. And when I read the
statements of those who claim to be both LDS and homosexual, trying to
persuade the former community to cease making their membership
contingent upon abandoning the latter, I wonder if they realize that the
price of such tolerance would be, in the long run, the destruction of the
Church.
We Latter-Day Saints know that we are eternal beings who must
gain control of our bodies and direct our lives toward the good of others in
order to be worthy of an adult role in the hereafter. So the regulation of
sexual drives is designed not just to preserve the community of the Saints
but also to improve and educate the individuals within it. The Lord asks no
more of its members who are tempted toward homosexuality than it does of
its unmarried adolescents, its widows and widowers, its divorced members,
and its members who never marry. Furthermore, the Lord even guides the
sexual behavior of those who are married, expecting them to use their
sexual powers responsibly and in a proportionate role within the marriage.
The argument by the hypocrites of homosexuality that
homosexual tendencies are gentically ingrained in some individuals is
almost laughably irrelevant. We are all genetically predisposed toward some
sin or another; we are all expected to control those genetic predispositions
when it is possible. It is for God to judge which individuals are tempted
beyond their ability to bear or beyond their ability to resist. But it is the
responsibility of the Church and the Saints never to lose sight of the goal of
perfect obedience to laws designed for our happiness.
The average fifteen-year old teenage boy is genetically
predisposed to copulate with anything that moves. We are compassionate
and forgiving of those who cannot resist this temptation, but we do not
regard as adult anyone who has not overcome it; and we can only help
others overcome these "genetic predispositions" by teaching them that we
expect them to meet a higher standard of behavior than the one their own
body teaches them. Are we somehow cruel and over-domineering when we
teach young men and young women that their lives will be better and
happier if they have no memory of sexual intercourse with others to deal
with when they finally are married? On the contrary, we would be heartless
and cruel if we did not.
The hypocrites of homosexuality are, of course, already preparing
to answer these statements by accusing me of homophobia, gay-bashing,
bigotry, intolerance; but nothing that I have said here -- and nothing that
has been said by any of the prophets or any of the Church leaders who have
dealt with this issue -- can be construed as advocating, encouraging, or even
allowing harsh personal treatment of individuals who are unable to resist
the temptation to have sexual relations with persons of the same sex. On
the contrary, the teachings of the Lord are clear in regard to the way we
must deal with sinners. Christ treated them with compassion -- as long as
they confessed that their sin was a sin. Only when they attempted to
pretend their sin was righteousness did he harshly name them for what
they were: fools, hypocrites, sinners. Hypocrites because they were
unwilling to change their behavior and instead attempted to change the law
to fit it; fools because they thought that deceiving an easy deceivable society
would achieve the impossible goal of also deceiving God.
The Church has plenty of room for individuals who are struggling
to overcome their temptation toward homosexual behavior. But for the
protection of the Saints and the good ther persons themselves, the Church
has no room for those who, instead of repenting of homosexuality, wish it to
become an acceptable behavior in the society of the Saints. They are wolves
in sheep's clothing, preaching meekness while attempting to devour the
flock.
No act of violence is ever appropriate to protect Christianity from
those who would rob it of its meaning. None of us are without sin -- the
casting of stones is not our duty or our privilege. All that must ever be done
to answer them is to declare the truth, and to deny them the right to call
themselves Latter-day Saints while proclaiming their false doctrine. Even as
Christ freed from her accusers the woman taken in adultery, he told her,
Go and sin no more.
No community can endure that does not hold its members
responsible for their own actions. Being human, we try from childhood on
to put the blame for the bad things we do on someone or something else.
And to one degree or another, we do accept plausible excuses -- enough, at
least, to allows us to temper our judgment. The American defines the
crime of second degree murder to allow for those whose anger was greatly
provoked, as distinguished from those who coldly kill for gain. Also, we are
willing to alter the terms of confinement of those whose unacceptable
behavior clearly derived from mental illness. In short, we recognize the
principle that those who have as little control over their own behavior as
small children should be treated as compassionately -- yet firmly -- as we
treat small children.
What we do with small children is to establish clear boundaries
and offer swift but mild punishment for crossing them. As their capacity to
understand and obey increases, the boundaries broaden but the
consequences of crossing them become more severe.
Within the Church, the young person who experiments with
homosexual behavior should be counseled with, not excommunicated. But
as the adolescent moves into adulthood and continues to engage in sinful
practices far beyond the level of experimentation, then the consequences
within the Church must grow more severe and more long-lasting;
unfortunately, they may also be more public as well.
This applies also to the polity, the community of citizens at large.
Laws against homosexual behavior should remain on the books, not to be
indiscriminately enforced against anyone who happens to be caught
violating them, but to be used when necessary to send a clear message that
those who flagrantly violate society's regulation of sexual behavior cannot be
permitted to remain as acceptable, equal citizens within that society.
The goal of the polity is not to put homosexuals in jail. The goal
is to discourage people from engaging in homosexual practices in the first
place, and, when they nevertheless proceed in their homosexual behavior,
to encourage them to do so discreetly, so as not to shake the confidence of
the community in the polity's ability to provide rules for safe, stable,
dependable marriage and family relationships.
Those who would be members of a community must sacrifice the
satisfaction of some of their individual desires in order to maintain the
existence of that community. They must, in other words, obey the rules
that define what that community is. Those who are not willing or able to
obey the rules should honestly admit the fact and withdraw from
membership.
Thus, just as America, a democratic society, is under no
obligation to preserve some imagined "right" of citizens who wish to use
their freedom to overthrow that democracy and institute tyranny, so
likewise the LDS church, which is founded on the idea that the word of God
as revealed through his prophets should determine the behavior of the
Saints, is under no obligation to protect some supposed "right" of those
members who would like to persuade us that neither God nor the prophets
has the authority to regulate them.
If the Church has not the authority to tell its members that they
may not engage in homosexual practices, then it has no authority at all. And
if we accept the argument of the hypocrites of homosexuality that their sin
is not a sin, we have destroyed ourselves.
Furthermore, if we allow ourselves to be intimidated by our fear
of the world's censure into silence in the face of attempts by homosexuals
to make their sin acceptable under the laws of the polity, then we have
abandoned our role as teachers of righteousness.
The repentant homosexual must be met with forgiveness. Even
hypocritical homosexuals must be treated individually with compassion. But
the collective behavior of the hypocrites of homosexuality must be met with
our most forceful arguments and our complete intolerance of their lies. To
act otherwise is to give more respect to the opinions of men than to the
judgments of God.
Tolerance is not the fundamental virtue, to which all others must
give way. The fundamental virtue is to love the Lord with all our heart,
might, mind, and strength; and then to love our neighbor as ourself.
Despite all the rhetoric of the hypocrites of homosexuality about how if we
were true Christians, we would accept them fully without expecting them to
change their behavior, we know that the Lord looks upon sin without the
least degree of tolerance, and that he expects us to strive for perfection.
That we must treat sinners kindly is true; that we must
courageously and firmly reject sin is also true. Those whose "kindness"
causes them to wink at sin are not being kind at all, for the only hope of joy
that these people have is to recognize their sin and repent of it. True
kindness is to be ever courteous and warm toward individuals, while
confronting them always with our rejection of any arguments justifying their
self- gratification. That will earn us their love and gratitude in the day of
their repentance, even if during the time they still embrace their sins they
lash out at us as if we were their enemies.
And if it happens that they never repent, then in the day of their
grief they cannot blame us for helping them deceive and destroy
themselves. That is how we keep ourselves unspotted by the blood of this
generation, even as we labor to help our brothers and sisters free
themselves from the tyranny of sin.
February 06, 2003
The Love Teachings of Kama Sutra
The Love Teachings of Kama Sutra
Lying Down Positions:
--------------------
Indrani draws up both her knees
until they nuzzle the curves of her breasts;
her feet find her lover's armpits.
Small girls love this posture,
but becoming a goddess takes a lot of practice.
She cups and lifts her buttocks with her palms,
spreads wide her thighs,
and digs in her heels besides her hips,
while you caress her breasts:
this is "Utphallaka" (The Flower in Bloom).
Grasping the ankles
of the round hipped woman, whose buttocks
are like two ripe gourds,
raise her beautiful thighs
and spread the thigh-joints widely.
Full of desire, saying sweet words,
approach her with your body stiff as a pole
and drive straight forward
to pierce her lotus and join your limbs:
experts call it "Madandhvaja" (The Flag of Cupid).
Catch hold of her two feet,
raising them till they press upon her breasts
and her legs form a rough circle.
Clasp her neck and make love to her:
this is "Ratisundara" (Aphrodite's Delight).
Lift the lady's feet until her soles
lie perfectly parallel,
one to each side of her slender throat,
cup her breasts and enjoy her:
this technique is "Uthkanta" (Throat-high).
Your lovely wife, lying on the bed,
grasps her own feet
and draws them up until they reach her hair;
you catch her breasts and make love:
this is "Vyomapada" (Sky-foot).
The round-thighed woman on the bed
grasps her ankles and raises high her lotus feet;
you strike her to the root, kissing
and slapping open-palmed between her breasts:
this is "Markata" (The Monkey).
She lies flat on her back,
you sit between her parted knees, raise them,
hook her feet over your thighs,
catch hold of her breasts, and enjoy her:
this is "Manmathpriya" (Dear to Cupid).
Lying-down Positions - Samputa Group:
------------------------------------
If your penis is too small for a woman,
the "Samputa" group of postures should be used:
"Samputa" (the Jewel Case),
"Pidita" (the Squeeze), "Veshtita (the Entwined)
and "Vadavaka" (the Mare's Trick).
In Samputa your legs lie along hers
caressing their whole length from toes to thighs.
Your lover may be below you,
or you may both lie on your sides,
in which case she should always be on your left.
In Pidita the lovers' thighs
are interlaced and squeeze each other in rhythm.
In Veshtita she crosses her thighs
or rolls each one inward,
thus greatly strengthening her yoni's grip.
When, like a mare cruelly gripping
a stallion, your lover
traps and milks your penis with her vagina,
it is "Vadavaka" (the Mare's Trick),
which can only be perfected with long practice.
When she uses it, a woman
should cease to kiss her lover
and simply hold the lock.
Courtesans are adept at Vadavaka,
and it's a speciality with ladies from Andhra(*).
*The South-Eastern state of India.
>From The Medieval Texts:
-----------------------
When lovers, with legs stretched rigid
and feet caressing feet,
make love according to their hearts' desire,
"tantra" scholars call it "Sampada" (Equal Feet)
and agree it is a way to ecstasy.
Stiff as a pole in the bed's center,
she lies making love,
cooing and warbling like a woodpigeon,
the jewel of her clitoris well-polished:
this is Mausala" (the Pestle).
When she lies on her back
with her two thighs pressed tightly together
and you make love to her,
keeping your thighs outside hers,
it is "Gramya" (the Rustic).
If, encircling and trapping
her thighs with yours,
you grip so hard that she cries out in pain,
it is "Ratipasha" (Love's Noose),
a device most charming to the ladies.
Her limbs, entwined in yours
like tendrils of fragrant jasmine creeper,
draw taut and slowly relax
in the gentle rhythm of linga and yoni:
this is "Lataveshta" (the Clinging Creeper).
She draws her limbs together,
clasping her knees tightly to her breasts,
her yoni, like an opening bud,
offered up for pleasure:
this is known as "Mukula" (the Bud).
When she draws up her knees
and you clamp yours about her raised thighs,
trapping them in a tight knot
while riding saddle upon her buttocks
and kissing her, it is "Shankha" (the Couch).
-----------------------------------------------------
Sitting Positions:
-----------------
Seated, mouth to mouth,
arms against arms, thighs against thighs:
this is "Kaurma" The Tortoise).
If the lovers' thighs, still joined, are raised,
it is "Paravartita" (Turning).
If within the cave of her thighs
you sit rotating your hips like a black bee,
it is "Markata" (The Monkey).
And if, in this pose, you turn away from her,
it is "Marditaka" (Crushing Spices).
She sits with raised thighs,
her feet placed either side of your waist;
"linga" (penis) enters "yoni" (vagina);
you rain hard blows upon her body:
this is "Kshudgaga" (Striking).
When your wife sits
with both knees drawn tight to her body
and you mirror this posture,
it is known to experts in the art of love
as "Yugmapada" (The Foot Yoke).
Seated erect, the lovely girl
folds one leg to her body
and stretches the other along the bed,
while you mirror her actions:
this is "Yugmapada" (The Feet Yoke).
If, with left leg extended,
she encircles your waist with her right leg,
laying its ankle across her left thigh,
and you do the same,
it is "Svastika" (The Swastika)*.
*An ancient good-luck talisman based on the symbolism of a
cross whirling sun-wise. The Nazis used it the wrong way
round, whirling widdershins, and the Indian pundits
always said this was sacrilegious and would doom them.
Sitting face to face in bed,
her breasts pressed tight against your chest,
let each of you lock heels
behind the other's waist,
and lean back clasping one another's wrists.
Now, set the swing gently in motion,
your beloved, in pretended fear,
clinging to your body with her flawless limbs,
cooing and moaning with pleasure:
this is "Dolita" (The Swing).
If, seated face to face,
your toes caress the lovely woman's nipples,
her feet press your chest
and you make love holding each other's hands
it is "Kaurma" (The Tortoise).
Seated, the lady raises
one foot to point vertically over her head
and steadies it with her hands,
offering up her "yoni" for lovemaking:
this is "Mayura" (the Peacock).
If, sitting facing her,
you grasp her ankles and fasten them like a chain
behind your neck, and she
grips her toes as you make love,
it is the delightful "Padma" (the Lotus).
Sitting erect, grip your lover's waist
and pull her on to you,
your loins continuously leaping together
with a sound like the flapping of elephants' ears:
this is "Kirtibandha" (the Knot of Fame).
Kneeling between her thighs,
tickle her breasts and under her arms,
call her 'my lovely darling'
and print deep nailmarks around her nipples:
thus "Jaya" (Victory) is expounded.
Rear-Entry Positions:
--------------------
She bends well forward and grips
the bedstead, her buttocks raised high;
cup your hands to serpents' hoods
and squeeze her jar-shaped (sic) breasts together:
this is "Dhenuka" (the Milch Cow).
If you mount her like a dog,
gripping her waist,
and she twists round to gaze into your face,
experts in the art of love say
it is "Svanaka" (the Dog).
If the lady, eager for love,
goes on all fours, humping her back like a doe,
and you enjoy her from behind,
rutting as though you'd lost all human nature,
it is "Hirana" (the Deer).
When, with lotus-feet
set well-apart on the ground, she bends,
placing a hand upon each thigh,
and you take her from the rear,
it is "Gardabha" (the Ass).
If she lies on her stomach
and you seize her ankles in one hand,
lift them high and make love,
tilting her chin back with your other hand,
it is "Marjara" (the Cat).
She lies on her front,
grasping her ankles in her own hands
and pulling them up behind her:
this difficult posture is known to experts
as "Mallaka" (the Wrestler).
When your mistress (sic) lays
breasts, arms and forehead to the carpet,
raising her buttocks high,
and you guide your penis into her yoni,
it is "Aibha" (the Elephant).
You lift her ankles high;
she draws up
and extends her legs as though she were
crawling through the air:
this is "Hastika" (the Elephant).
She stands on palms and feet;
you stand behind her
and lift one of her feet to your shoulder,
enjoying the lovely girl:
this is "Traivikrama" (the Stride).
Seize her feet and lift them high
(like a wheel barrow),
drive your penis into her yoni
and pleasure her with vigorous strokes:
this is "Kulisha" (the Thunderbolt).
You kneel, as in archery,
take her on your lap
and bend her forward till her breasts
are pressed to her thighs:
this is "Ekabandha" (One Knot).
Lying on her side, facing away,
the fawn-eyed girl
offers you her buttocks
and your penis penetrates the house of love:
this is "Nagabandha" (the Elephant).
Standing Positions:
------------------
And now for the love postures
with which sculptors adorn our temple walls.
When a couple make love standing,
or leaning against a wall or a pillar,
it is called "Sthita" (Steadied).
When the woman sits in her lover's
cradled hands, her arms around his neck,
thighs gripping his waist,
her feet pushing back and forth against a wall,
it is "Avalambitaka" (Suspended).
When, catching and crushing your lover
in the cage of your arms,
you force her knees apart with yours
and sink slowly into her,
it is "Dadhyayataka" (Churning Curds).
When she leans against a wall,
planting her feet as widely apart as possible,
and you enter the cave
between her thighs, eager for lovemaking,
it is "Sammukha" (Face-to-face).
If, as you lean against the wall,
your lady twines her thighs around yours,
locks her feet to your knees,
and clasps your neck, making love
very passionately, it is "Dola" (the Swing).
When your lover draws up one leg,
allowing the heel
to nestle just behind your knee,
and you make love, embracing her forcefully,
it is "Traivikrama" (the Stride).
If you catch one of her knees
firmly in your hand
and stand making love with her
while her hands explore and caress your body,
it is "Tripadam" (the Tripod).
If she raises one leg
and you catch hold of her little foot,
caressing her breasts
and telling her how much you love her,
it is "Ekapada" (One Foot).
Her foot pressed to your heart,
your arms encircling and supporting her,
lean back against the wall
and enjoy the lovely girl:
this is "Veshta" (the Encircling).
She stands against the wall,
lotus-hands on hips,
long, lovely fingers reaching to her navel.
Cup her foot in your palm
and let your free hand caress your angel's limbs.
Put your arm around her neck
and enjoy her as she leans there at her ease.
Vatsyayana (the author) ans others
who knew the art of love in its great days
called this posture "Tala" (the Palm).
If you lean back to a wall
and your lover, clinging to your neck,
places both her feet
in your palms and thus makes love,
this is "Dvitala" (Two Palms).
If you lift your lover
by passing your elbows under her knees
and gripping her buttocks
while she hangs fearfully from your neck,
it is "Janukurpara" (the Knee Elbow).
Your wife grips your neck
and locks her legs around your waist:
this is "Kirti" (Fame) - a posture
not described in "Kama Sutra" or "Ratirahasya".
Never try it with heavy girls.
----------------
Oral Pleasures -- Fellatio Techniques:
-------------------------------------
When your lover catches your penis
in her hand and, shaping
her lips to an 'O', lays them lightly to its tip,
moving her head in tiny circles,
this first step is called "Nimitta" (Touching).
Next, grasping its head in her hand,
she clamps her lips tightly about the shaft,
first on one side then the other,
taking great care that her teeth don't hurt you:
this is "Parshvatoddashta" (Biting at the Sides).
Now she takes the head of your penis
gently between her lips,
by turns pressing, kissing it tenderly
and pulling at its soft skin:
this is "Bahiha-samdansha" (the Outer Pincers).
If next she allows the head to slide
completely into her mouth
and presses the shaft firmly between her lips,
holding a moment before pulling away,
it is "Antaha-samdansha" (the Inner Pincers).
When, taking your penis in her hand
and making her lips very round,
she presses fierce kisses along its whole length,
sucking as she would at your lower lip,
it is called "Chumbitaka" (Kissing).
If, while kissing, she lets her tongue
flick all over your penis
and then, pointing it, strikes repeatedly
at the sensitive glans-tip,
it becomes "Parimrshtaka" (Striking at the Tip).
And now, fired by passion, she takes
your penis deep into her mouth,
pulling upon it and sucking as vigorously
as though she were stripping clean a mango-stone:
this is "Amrachushita" (Sucking a Mango).
When she senses that your orgasm
is imminent she swallows up the whole penis,
sucking and working upon it
with lips and tongue until you spend:
this is "Sangara" (Swallowed Whole).
Oral Pleasures -- Cunnilingus Techniques:
----------------------------------------
With delicate fingertips,
pinch the arched lips of her house of love
very very slowly together,
and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip:
this is "Adhara-sphuritam" (the Quivering Kiss).
Now spread, indeed cleave asunder,
that archway with your nose and let your tongue
gently probe her "yoni" (vagina),
with your nose, lips and chin slowly circling:
it becomes "Jihva-bhramanaka" (the Circling Tongue).
Let your tongue rest for a moment
in the archway to the flower-bowed Lord's temple
before entering to worship vigorously,
causing her seed to flow:
this is "Jihva-mardita" (the Tongue Massage).
Next, fasten your lips to hers
and take deep kisses
>from this lovely one, your beloved,
nibbling at her and sucking hard at her clitoris:
this is called "Chushita" (Sucked).
Cup, lift her young buttocks,
let your tongue-tip probe her navel, slither down
to rotate skilfully in the archway
of the love-god's dwelling and lap her love-water:
this is "Uchchushita" (Sucked Up).
Stirring the root of her thighs,
which her own hands
are gripping and holding widely apart,
your fluted tongue drinks at her sacred spring:
this is "Kshobhaka" (Stirring).
Place your darling on a couch,
set her feet to your shoulders, clasp her waist,
suck hard and let your tongue stir
her overflowing love-temple:
this is called "Bahuchushita" (Sucked Hard).
If the pair of you lie side by side,
facing opposite ways,
and kiss each other's secret parts
using the fifteen techniques described above,
it is known as "Kakila" (the Crow).
Role Reversal:
-------------
During lovemaking, ten types of blows
may be struck with the penis,
but of these only "Upasripta" (Natural),
which is instinctive even to untutored cowherds,
results in full clitoral stimulation.
It is a gentle forward stroke
which may be varied for depth and speed,
allowing a subtlety, rhythm
and spontaneity which
the other nine each lack to some degree.
If you grasp your penis and move it
in circles inside her yoni,
it is "Manthana" (Churning).
When you strike sharply down into the yoni,
it is "Hula" (the Double-edged Knife).
If, when her hips are raised by a pillow,
you strike a rising blow,
it is "Avamardana" (Rubbing).
If you hold your penis pressed breathlessly
to her womb it is "Piditaka" (Pressing).
If you withdraw completely
and then strike her violently to the womb,
it is "Nirghata" (the Buffet).
Continuous pressure on one side of her yoni
is "Varahaghata" (the Boar's Blow).
If you thrust wildly in every direction,
like a bull tossing its horns,
it is "Vrishaghata" (the Bull's Blow).
Quivering in her yoni is "Chatakavilasa" (Sparrow Sport),
which usually heralds orgasm.
The involuntary shuddering of orgasm
is called "Samputa" (the Jewel Case).
But no two women make love quite the same way,
so orchestrate your rhythms
to the moods and colors of each lover's "raga" (emotions).
If long lovemaking exhausts you
before your lover has reached her orgasm,
you should allow her
to roll you over your back
and sit astride you, taking initiative.
If the posture gives her deep pleasure,
or you enjoy its novelty,
she may transpose into it as a matter of course,
taking great care, however,
not to expel the linga from the temple of love.
Consider: she climbs upon you,
the flowers dropping from her tousled hair,
her giggles turning to gasps;
every time she bends to kiss your lips
her nipples pierce your chest.
As her hips begin to churn,
her head, flung back, bobs ever faster;
she scratches, pummels you with small fists,
fastens her teeth in your neck,
doing unto you what you've often done unto her.
When she takes the man's role,
your lady has the choice
of three famous lovemaking techniques:
"Samdamsha (the Tongs),
"Bhramara" (the Bee) and "Prenkholita" (the Swing).
If she uses the Mare's Trick,
gripping your penis with her yoni's vice,
squeezing and stroking it,
holding it inside her for a hundred heart-beats,
it is known as "Samdamsha" (the Tongs).
If, drawing up her feet,
she revolves her hips so that your penis
circles deep within her yoni,
you arching your body to help her,
it is "Bhramara" (the Bee).
If she now swings her hips
in wide circles and makes figures-of-eight,
swaying upon your body
as though she were riding on a seesaw,
it is "Prenkholita" (the Swing).
When her passion has ebbed,
she should rest, bending forward to lay
her forehead upon yours
without disturbing your yoked bodies:
it won't be long before desire stirs again.
Catching your penis, the lady
with dark eyes like upturned lotus petals
guides it into her yoni,
clings to you and shakes her buttocks:
this is "Charunarikshita" (Lovely Lady in Control).
Enthroned on your penis,
she places both hands on the bed
and makes love, while you
press your two hands to her thudding heart:
this is "Lilasana" (Seat of Sport).
She sits upright upon you,
her head thrown back like a rearing mare,
bringing her feet together
on the bed to one side of your body:
this is "Hansabandha" (the Swan).
The young woman has one foot
on your heart and the other on the bed.
Bold, saucy women adore this posture,
which is known to the world
as "Upavitika" (the Sacred thread).
If, with one of her feet
clasped in your hand
and the second placed upon your shoulder,
your young lady enjoys you,
it is "Viparitaka" (Reversed).
If your lover, seated above you
with feet lotus-crossed
and her body held erect and still
makes love to you,
it is known as "Yugmapada" (the Foot Yoke).
If she strides you,
facing your feet,
brings both her feet up to your thighs,
and works her hips frantically,
it is known as "Hansa-lila" (Swan Sport).
Your lover places one foot
on your ankle, lodges
her other foot just above your knee,
and rides you, swinging and rotating her hips:
this is "Garuda" (Garuda).
If you lie flat on your back
with legs stretched out
and your lover sits astride you, facing away
and grasping your feet,
it is called "Virsha" (the Bull).
Clasping each other's hands,
you lie sprawled like two starfish making love,
her breasts stabbing your chest,
her thighs stretched out along yours:
this is "Devabandha" (the Coitus of the Gods).
Lying upon you, your beloved
moves round like a wheel,
pressing hands one after the other on the bed,
kissing your body as she circles:
experts call this "Chakrabandha" (the Wheel).
If, by means of some contraption,
your lover suspends herself above you,
places your linga in her yoni
and pulleys herself up and down upon it,
it is "Utkalita" (the Orissan).**
**I must admit that this is kind of far fetched. However,
there is an illustration on the next page depicting this
position and showing two women pulling the woman up!!
Love Potions and Sex Aids
-------------------------
To Enslave a Lover:
------------------
Anoint your penis, before lovemaking,
with honey into which
you have powered black pepper,
long pepper and "datura" (the green thorn apple) -
it will utterly devastate your lady.
Leaves caught as they fall from trees
and powdered with peacock-bone
and fragments of a corpse's winding-sheet
will, when dusted lightly
on the penis, bewitch any woman living.
If you crush milky chunks of cactus
with sulphur and realgar,
dry the mixture seven times, powder it
and apply it to your penis,
you'll satisfy the most demanding lover.
And if, to these powerful ingredients,
you add a monkey's turd,
grind them together and sprinkle the powder
on your unsuspecting lover's head,
she will be your devoted slave for life.
To Increase Potency:
-------------------
Honey-sweetened milk in which
the testicles of a ram
or a goat have been simmered
has the effect, when drunk,
of making a man as powerful as a bull.
Pumkin seeds ground with almonds
and sugarcane root,
or with cowhage root and strips of bamboo,
and stirred into honeyed milk,
have the same arousing effect.
The sages say that wheat-flour cakes
baked with honey and sugar
and sprinkled with the powdered seeds
of pumpkin and cowhage
give one strength for a thousand women.
The yolk of a single sparrow's egg
stirred into rice pudding
that has been thickened with cream,
wild-honey and "ghee" (clarified butter)
has the same invigorating effect.
Enlarging the Penis or "Yoni" (Vagina):
--------------------------------------
First rub your penis with wasp stings
and massage it with sweet oil.
When it swells, let it dangle for ten nights
through a hole in your bed,
going to sleep each night on your stomach.
After this period use a cool ointment
to remove the pain and swelling.
By this method men ... of insatiable
sexual appetite, manage to keep
their penises enlarged throughout their lives.
By applying an ointment made from
crushed barleria leaves
to her "yoni", the elephant (large) woman
can spend at least one night
discovering the delights of being a doe ("small" woman).
Likewise the doe can use honey
mixed with powdered roots
of lotus, madder, "sal" (tree of aromatic gum),
the blue lotus and the mongoose plant
to accomodate a stallion for one night.
To Cope With Impotence:
----------------------
A man who climaxes too swiftly
should arouse his lady
by caressing her clitoris with his fingers
and flooding the well
of her yoni before he enters her.
If, during lovemaking, the erection
cannot be sustained because
the man is old, or simply exhausted
he should use the delicate
oral techniques given in an earlier chapter.
The man who is utterly unable
to achieve an erection
should pleasure his wife/lover with a phallus
crafted from materials like
gold, silver, copper, iron (!!), ivory or horn.
The artificial phallus should be shaped
to your natural proportions.
It will be more arousing for the lady
if the outside is studded
with a profusion of large, smooth nodules.
February 04, 2003
Lego Blocks for SEx
Introduction to Shapes : Liberator® Shapes Bedroom Adventure Gear
No matter how good it already is, it can always be better. Isn't trying new ways half the fun? Couples love Shapes unique angled variety. Your fantasy positions are suddenly, comfortably possible. Try Liberator® Shapes separately, or stack them together. Even the shyest of lovers can't resist them. On the bed or on the floor, sex without them
is just plain flat.
Is Frodo Gay?
A Hobbit Conspiracy? | Metafilter
There is a conspiracy theory that has been making the rounds on the net for quite some time now. In it, the actor Elijah Wood (Frodo) and Dominic Monaghan (Merry) are a gay couple that have been together since the filming of The Lord of the Rings. And they want to come out...but contracts and a whole lot of money at stake are keeping them in.
February 03, 2003
Courtney Love Nude
Oh Courtney, You So Crazy | Metafilter
Courtney's "spread" in the upcoming Q Magazine really proves that she has a knack for publicity.
Morrissey
Does Morrissey have a girlfriend? | Metafilter
Signs of the coming apocalypse Does Morrissey have a (gasp) Girlfriend? I have heard this rumor from a drunken blonde at a party...
February 01, 2003
Nipple Scarf
Bugspray: you are so beautiful, you should be guarded by monkeys
"A fellow moviegoer tonight was talking about those nipple-scarf things that are hot right now in Japan (link from This Modern World), and I'm prolly last on the boat with this one but jeez--these things are horrible. How in the hell did something that screwed up get popular? And may I never come up with anything like that in my fashion designs. LOL"
Japanese women posing nude, and cooking, in 1950.Tom Cruise Is Gay
gay battle" href="http://entertainment.yahoo.com/entnews/st/20030131/104402520007.html">Yahoo! Top Stories - Tom's gay battle
TOM CRUISE is furious at New York hotel magnate Leona Helmsley over reports that she called him a "fag" and plans to sue the gay-bashing Queen of Mean, says the actor's attorney.
"He's not gay," rages Bertram Fields, Cruise' high-powered Hollywood lawyer.
"It's a terrible thing for her to say. She has no basis for it. It is outrageous. It is absolutely false. There is no question that Mr. Cruise will take legal action."