I will let anyone buy this spot for $400 a month. It can be very lucrative. 100,000 uniques see this spot per month. I just can't seem to find an affiliate who doesn't cheat and can use this spot. You can also buy the one below it. email me

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Drunk Girls

This is currently making the rounds at myspace. I hate them, but this is funny.]

Sorry about the annoying all caps but I'm not going to retype it or drag out the perl regular expressions book so I can translate it.

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT
WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY
BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR! LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS
HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. WE DROP OUR 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH WE'RE EATING EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY
ON EATING IT

6.WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO
MUCH.

7. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG
PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US

9. THE MAN WE'RE FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE OUR 5TH GRADE TEACHER.

10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE AND
SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING TO US.

11. OUR EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO WE KEEP
THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.

12. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

13. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST
LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

14. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE
KITCHEN FLOOR (er, or, the mop?)

15. WE START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE
WRONG WAY BUT..."

16. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

17. OUR HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.

18. WE ARE TIRED SO WE JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER WE HAPPEN TO BE
STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.

19. WE BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON OUR BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUT DOWN ON
THE TIME WE''RE IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM OUR DRINK.

20. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING
PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

SEND THIS ALONG TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU KNOW WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN. MAKE
THEM LAUGH AT THEMSELVES LIKE YOU PROBABLY DID... SADLY, MANY ARE

1 Comments:

At 10:20 AM, November 18, 2005 , joefisch said...: fix it with sed....

sed -e 'y/ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ/abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz/'

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: Name: Maxwell Hammer; Location: Alabama, United States

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Whats the deal with this site? I started it in 2002, about Feb, I think. I got laid off from a job I'd had for several years. so while I was on unemployment. I played around with selling shit on ebay and that lead me to porn sites. I'd had a friend who did it, this crazy Bangladeshi guy named K Rahman. So I played with it for awhile. It didn't really seem to work, but then I started to get checks from places I couldn't remember. Not big ones, just $35 or so here and there. At first it was mostly weird sex news. That sort of led to celebrity sex gossip. I would break news but a lot of the big blogs wouldn't link to me because of my porn ads. So I spun that off into another site, hateon.blogspot.com. But that never seemed to take off. I'd sometimes get a few thousand hits, but it didn't do as well as sxxxy.org. But the traffic on that started to lag. I had repurposed it as a just weird sex news. Stuff about people covering hotel rooms in vaseline and fucking them. So I sort of deprecated hate on, though it still exists. I'm combining these sites. Because I found out that traffic and links from Perez Hilton might be cool but they don't make me any money. So now I don't get as may hits but I get more money. Why do some of these pictures of pictures of Carmen Electra say they are of Charlize Theron? One of the categories got fucked up when I was creating the site. I could go through them one by one and fix it, but that sounds really boring and I've got a lot of other things I'm working on with the site. So it will get done, but it's pretty low on the list. Some of these pics are duplicates/labeled wrong/whatever. Why don't you do something about them? Some things like that are going to happen. If you send me the link to the picture maybe I'll fix it. Or maybe you could take some damn initiate and register with the site and email me your username and I might give you admin privileges so you can fix it yourself. Do you know you're kind of a dick? Yep. But I'm funny. If you're into that sort of thing. There are a lot of ads here and some of them do weird stuff to my browser. Can you fix it? Yes. There are a lot of ads here. I'm trying to make money. I don't like begging or taking donations. But this is a for profit site. I don't make that much, really, I swear. I have to have a day job. If they do really weird stuff to your browser or there's a trojan or something let me know and I'll take it down. Where do you live? Really? In Alabama. I don't want anyone to know who I actually am here, locally. Some of this shit I do is probably illegal here. Why don't you move? Do you want to give me a job and a place to live? I'm broke. This site isn't enough to live on. I also have a lot of child support. You have children? Yes. Let's leave it at that, there was a custody battle but they never found out about the site. Let's keep it that way. Why Maxwell Hammer? I was listening to a lot of the Beatles at the time. I could have been Rocky Raccon...but that's my brother's name. Really. Now that I think about it King Marigold sounds good. But it was started on a game called Urban Dead where I was a known Player killer and troll. They still think I'm still there and just some sort of hydra troll that causes trouble under different names, but I swear that I haven't been there in years. There were people who took up my name and started doing things in my name and calling themselves my army. It's weird. I'm still some sort of legend around there, just under different names. But it's not me, I swear. Why is this page or that thing formated wrong or looks weird? It's a matter of time vs caring. I'm just sort of naturally sloppy and often don't care about some things. I cut corners. I'm the kind of guy who uses duck tape to fix things. I'm doing this by myself. I sit in front of a computer for 40 hours a week and then come home and do it for about 5 hours every night and more than that on weekends. Why do you do that to yourself? I don't know. I don't feel like I'm doing enough, though. There aren't enough hours in the day to do all the shit like this that I want to. Plus I write so I'm compelled to do that at times. It's like all this is against my will but I can't stop myself.